What did you say?

I have recently come to the conclusion that I don't know how to hear God. I don't know if I ever knew how to hear God. I stumbled upon this fact while reflecting on current discontent with my life's circumstances. As I was thinking over how I got to where I am I figured out that I got here by not hearing God clearly. I can only imagine that I would be living out my purpose daily if I knew what God was telling me to do. Unfortunately, I don't know what he is telling me. I have thoughts and ideas about what he is saying, but I don't have solid concrete answers.

I have met, read about, and heard about people that sense God's leading through life in a real and tangible way. People who pray about just about everything from where to live, what job to take, what to name their babies, and on and on. I have prayed about these things-but I can't say that "I heard God." I envy folks that say they can hear God speaking and their life appears to reflect that their claim is true.

It's not that these people don't have troubles or disappointments because they do. It's the fact that their troubles and disappointments have purpose attached to them. In my current condition I don't know if my suffering is for the greater cause of Christ (purpose) or for making the wrong decisions-being outright rebellious-sin. If I knew for a fact that all of my struggles were of my own doing that is relatively easy to fix. All I have to do is get on track and do the right thing. However, if my suffering is because I am in fact doing the right thing and the enemy is attacking that gives me a completely different direction.

Years ago I thought I knew my purpose and my passion. I have struggled to live that out with little gain. There have been many times that people have confirmed my gift and calling. Yet, so few times where I have found a place, a home for that calling to grow and have an impact. I have now come to a point where I don't know if that is my calling, simply a talent, or if I even want to be used in such a way (or am willing to submit). My dreams have been crushed and scattered and without hearing the clear direction of God I don't know what to make of it.

I want to hear from God! I want to have an ongoing sense of his presence and leading in my life. I want to learn how to do "listening prayer." All to often I fall asleep while I'm trying to listen. I wake up mad that I fell asleep, mad that I didn't hear from God, mad that I'm not still asleep. I want to live a life of specific purpose. I want a life that means something. I want to use my gifts and be used and know that's what I'm doing.

If you have any insight as to how one "listens" let me know. I know about basic prayer, reading scripture, and the like. I am not looking for "water is wet" type answers. I'm looking for specific insight to engaging God on a specific level of instruction. A sort of "call and response" with the almighty. To be clear let me illustrate: I have asked many people how they started their businesses, ministries, etc... These folks always come back with answers like "God did it," "It was all the Lord," and "It was a lot of hard work." In such cases I am looking for the details of the "hard work." It is in the details that the mystery is unveiled. With that said, please help a brother out.