Protecting a man's heart

We are a week removed from Valentines day. This is a day reserved for lovers. It tends to lean heavily in the favor of women in terms of gifts, dinner, and activities. Men may get gifts on this day. Maybe a watch, maybe an item of clothing, and if he's lucky-some sweet love making. The aforementioned items are nice, but it is the "sweet love making" that I want to focus on.

Over the years I have heard sermons preached on the roles and needs of men and women. Often male pastor's speak to the need of men as the strong desire, urge, and need for sexual fulfilment. Women tend to not always take this issue seriously when it comes to the needs of men. Women laugh, ignore, make fun of, or even down grade men for this very real need in their lives. Women think men are dogs that simply see women as objects to be used for physical pleasure. If only this were true (and I know in many cases it can be).

At the same time that women disregard the sexual needs of men those speaking on the subject have not always done a good job of communicating the issue at hand. They have said things like: "women learn to please your husbands" "your duty is the booty" and "you should affair proof your marriage." Don't get me wrong. These statements all contain the truth. They are simply spoken in terms that men understand. The straight forward nature of these statements are seen as crass by women. The "marriage proofing" statement is seen as a threat. "Learning to please your husband" is seen as a throwback statement of times when women weren't seen as equals.

As I was thinking about how to frame the issue I came up with "Protecting your man's heart." Engaging your husband in sexual activity is vital in his battle against temptation. Men are physical beings. This means that we respond to physicality (sight, touch, smell, etc...). In our current world the style of dress, the nature of commercials, and women in general pose a threat to men. Men can't help but notice women. We take in the physical form of a woman. Her figure, facial features, and clothing. A man will have any number of thoughts when he encounters a woman (one likely being sexual).

I heard a woman author who has written on the subject of men and sexuality, state that when men see a woman they catalog that woman in their brain like a Rolodex. This image can resurface at any time. Some being the most inappropriate. This happens without effort. She would go on to say that her survey of thousands of men found that men despise this brain activity and wish they could do away with it-temptations and all. Engaging your husband in regular sexual activity will help the man deal with such temptations. A man can deal with these things more easily when he is fulfilled sexually. The same is true of a man's ability to fight off advances by women. Pastor R.A. Vernon has stated that it is because of his wife's regular engagement of him sexually that he is able to shrug off the onslaught of women that approach him with less than Holy desires. In this way you are protecting your man's heart.

It doesn't just stop with the physical. Men have a high need for respect. Sex is a form of praise. It communicates worthship (respect) to a man. A women that shows her passion and desire for her husband through sex is saying "I love and respect you. Because of that, I give myself to you." This can do wonders for a man's confidence. Once again, protecting his heart from the damage sustained in this tough world.

Sex is also the way that a man connects to his wife. Women want intimacy in the form of emotional, spiritual, and physical (non-sexual touch)interaction. Men tend to give those things post sexual activity or to get sexual activity. Sex is the gateway through which the man provides those things. If sex is denied men don't want to offer those other forms of intimacy. Sadly, if the man doesn't offer those things there will be no sex. This leaves both parties wanting and frustrated. Try connecting with your husband through sex and see if he doesn't open up in those other areas.

Lastly, this is one thing only you can provide in a holy, healthy, and safe manner. I believe I heard Ed Young Sr. state that men can find friendship, food, and a partner outside of the marriage without violating God's word. It is only a wife that can provide sexual fulfillment to a man. What a statement! The very thing that men have identified time and time again as their greatest need-only you can give it to him. What an honor and a responsibility.

I would encourage women to read, research, and accept the truth about men's hearts and sex. Don't view your husband in disgust because of his needs. We know as men that this is not anywhere close to a priority for most women. I appeal that if you love your husband and care about his needs that you make a conscious effort to meet them. Help protect his heart by meeting his number one need with passion, desire, and creativity.

What did you say?

I have recently come to the conclusion that I don't know how to hear God. I don't know if I ever knew how to hear God. I stumbled upon this fact while reflecting on current discontent with my life's circumstances. As I was thinking over how I got to where I am I figured out that I got here by not hearing God clearly. I can only imagine that I would be living out my purpose daily if I knew what God was telling me to do. Unfortunately, I don't know what he is telling me. I have thoughts and ideas about what he is saying, but I don't have solid concrete answers.

I have met, read about, and heard about people that sense God's leading through life in a real and tangible way. People who pray about just about everything from where to live, what job to take, what to name their babies, and on and on. I have prayed about these things-but I can't say that "I heard God." I envy folks that say they can hear God speaking and their life appears to reflect that their claim is true.

It's not that these people don't have troubles or disappointments because they do. It's the fact that their troubles and disappointments have purpose attached to them. In my current condition I don't know if my suffering is for the greater cause of Christ (purpose) or for making the wrong decisions-being outright rebellious-sin. If I knew for a fact that all of my struggles were of my own doing that is relatively easy to fix. All I have to do is get on track and do the right thing. However, if my suffering is because I am in fact doing the right thing and the enemy is attacking that gives me a completely different direction.

Years ago I thought I knew my purpose and my passion. I have struggled to live that out with little gain. There have been many times that people have confirmed my gift and calling. Yet, so few times where I have found a place, a home for that calling to grow and have an impact. I have now come to a point where I don't know if that is my calling, simply a talent, or if I even want to be used in such a way (or am willing to submit). My dreams have been crushed and scattered and without hearing the clear direction of God I don't know what to make of it.

I want to hear from God! I want to have an ongoing sense of his presence and leading in my life. I want to learn how to do "listening prayer." All to often I fall asleep while I'm trying to listen. I wake up mad that I fell asleep, mad that I didn't hear from God, mad that I'm not still asleep. I want to live a life of specific purpose. I want a life that means something. I want to use my gifts and be used and know that's what I'm doing.

If you have any insight as to how one "listens" let me know. I know about basic prayer, reading scripture, and the like. I am not looking for "water is wet" type answers. I'm looking for specific insight to engaging God on a specific level of instruction. A sort of "call and response" with the almighty. To be clear let me illustrate: I have asked many people how they started their businesses, ministries, etc... These folks always come back with answers like "God did it," "It was all the Lord," and "It was a lot of hard work." In such cases I am looking for the details of the "hard work." It is in the details that the mystery is unveiled. With that said, please help a brother out.