Different...?

I recently came across a church website that had an introduction something to the effect of, "Sick of church, sick of tradition, sick of religion...well come to our service..." Slightly intrigued by the invitation I decided to download a view of the MP3 sermon audio's available. I wish I could report that the recorded service was a breathe of fresh air, but it wasn't. Instead it presented an incredible similarity to many church services I have participated in before. The words were the same, the style was the same, the "what was that" (mid sentence you have a "I love Christ so much" or "Amen" outburst not in line with what you are saying at the time.) Christian sayings were the same. There was no difference in substance. If it was the churches goal to be different, they failed miserably.

I think one of the problems with the whole "we're different" approach is that we are setting ourselves up against the wrong group. Inherent in the "different" statement is that there is an underlying competition between churches. One site I visited came right out and said we are better/different than other surrounding churches. It would be wonderful if all the world were attending church on a regular basis and churches were fighting for market share, but that simply is not the case.

It is no surprise that Churches are in effect competing against themselves. About 70% of all new church growth is transfer growth. Transfer growth means that people have moved from one church to another. In other words, NO NEW CONVERTS. At a transfer rate of 70% there is no way that Christianity is growing in America. If it is, it is growing at a snails pace.

There are a plethora of religions to choose from in the world today. There is atheism, agnosticism, deism, Islam, Wicken, Mormonism, Buddhism, and on and on. In addition, there is a growing generalization of spirituality wrought with self-service beliefs. These are folks who are eating religion a la carte', a piece of this, a piece of that. The real issue at hand isn't what Christian church do you attend, but are you a Christian at all.

This is why our energies and strategies need to be refocused from marketing to those who are in the fold, to reaching out to those that are lost. If churches made new converts and disciples the mandate of their mission we wouldn't need to fight over the pool of Christians in existence. There would be no need to say we are "different." Your works would speak for themselves.

Remember what Christ stated in Matthew 12:25, "Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." Christ also stated in Luke 9:50 "Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you." These two passages clearly state a need for unity within the body of Christ. There is no need for competition amongst each other. The Harvest is ripe and workers are few. Harvest was not a reference to already picked crops, but to those still in the field.

Forget about being different. We are a people of the same faith and culture. One faith, one baptism, one spirit. Lets join our resources and get to working the field. Remember, Christ prayed that we would be one.

Super Heros and the American Culture

Recently I was listening to Janet Parshall's show "Talking it Over" on Moody Bible Institute. She had a guest that stated when you want to know how a culture views itself look at that cultures myths. As I was thinking, I identified the Superheros of our culture as "modern day" myths. I started to think about the difference between the depiction of our hero's in their early stage and how they have evolved over time. I have no doubt they reflect the American cultures view of itself.

Look at Superman. When he was originally crafted he was accompanied by the saying, "Truth, Justice, and the American Way!" Today "Truth" and "Justice" remain. However, the "American Way" has been removed. This could be for a number of reasons. First, could be the sense of growing global community. Many see themselves and their values as world wide and universal. Perhaps America has succeeded in spreading its ways and truth and justice are everywhere. Second, it could be that people don't view the nation as standing for truth and justice. Suspicion is high on everything from McDonald's removing "super sized" items from its menu to the war on terror. Some may feel that truth and justice just aren't who we are anymore. Third, some people see the U.S. as a dominating bully on the world seen. Hence, we couldn't possibly stand for truth and justice.

In addition to the dropping of America from Superman's banner is the not so perfect Superman presented to us. Superman of old was good and without question. Today's Superman has left earth to fulfill his own desires. In the most recent movie he fathered a child out of wedlock. Can you believe that? Superman is Lois' "Baby Daddy." If that isn't a reflection on the change in our culture I don't know what is.

Another American "myth" is the Dark Knight, AKA, Batman. In the movie "Dark Knight" we see all types of conflicts. We see a vigilante that is breaking the law to protect the city and in a strange way uphold the law. There were questions of ethics, privacy, and to what extent is good willing to go to defeat evil. It brought to mind the issue of the U.S.'s War on Terror. There is no doubt that we are a nation conflicted. We are almost evenly split down the line on how to handle the most trying issues of our day.

The last group of "Hero's" I want to look at is that of the X-Men. Here is a group that has special powers or ailments depending on how you look at it. They suffer from acceptance, self-esteem, and plain old "where do I fit in?" issues. You have good guys and bad guys both fighting for a common goal-equality and acceptance. One seeks to destroy its enemies, while the other seeks to befriend them by establishing common ground and a general understanding. This group covers the issues of the usage of power, righteous indignation, aggression or passivity, reconciliation or enmity. Things have become quite complicated.

America is no longer a simple place that sees itself and its citizens as largely good. We are conflicted on all sides. Uncertain of our methods and motivations. We are both supreme leaders and suspicious of our own end game. This is all reflected in our mythical superheros. I rather doubt that we will return to the belief and action that we are in fact good. I don't believe that the nation as a whole will believe all at the same time that we stand for "Truth" and "Justice." The evolution has begun. Simple goodness is gone. A complicated creature capable of both good and evil has appeared on the seen. Perhaps it has not appeared, but we have merely come to the realization of who we have been all along.

Feeling less than a man...

Men have long been said to be ego driven. This has proven to be true in most men. Men are driven to achieve, to obtain, to win. Accomplishment is the fuel of a man's heart. As such, men tend to find their identity in what they do. Who they are is what they do (typically on the job). You usually find men ego inflated after a great accomplishment. Men love to say, "look what I just did."

If you're a man or know anything about men, you know that the life of a man is not always a mountaintop experience. There are many bumps, bruises, setbacks, loss, and down right devastation in the life of a man. The ego is soft and fragile. It can be penetrated at any given moment. Men are fixers by nature. If we are confronted with a problem we can't fix or seems too big we may begin to feel inferior, weak, ...less than a man. I know this typically happens when my wife is "feeling" something I can't repair. It can also happen when men don't fulfill their career aspirations or financial goals.

My favorite writer John Eldredge says that all men want to know, "Do I have what it takes?" In addition he states that failure is man's greatest fear. It is when we are down that this question rings the loudest and our fear of failure seems so inevitable. These moments come with intense pressure and weight. Men will withdraw during these times. We don't feel strong. In fact we feel vulnerable. We wonder if people can see our weaknesses and look to exploit it.

There are many Biblical accounts of men that lost their strength... their confidence. Moses didn't think he had what it took to speak to Pharaoh. The mighty men were ready to kill David when they returned from the field only to find that their families had been taken captive. The Bible says that David had to encourage himself in the Lord after weeping to the point of exhaustion. Elijah ran for fear of losing his life after defeating the prophets of Baal. Even our Lord, Jesus Christ, felt pressure when he prayed that God would allow this cup (the cross/death) to pass. As men we can't escape this feeling.

So what is a man to do? Well, I think we should follow the example of Christ, David, and Elijah. First, we should seek out God the Father. Look for an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Ask for his help, encouragement, insight, and direction. Second, find a safe group of men that you can confide in. Men know how men feel. Men know what you are going through. You can find strength in the company of brothers.

One last note. Whatever you do. Do not take your wounded heart and soul to your wife or girlfriend. Don't misunderstand, you can talk to your spouse about your situation and even your feelings. But do not let this be your only, first, or final stop. Women are bothered by a man that has lost his strength, his confidence (I will have to write more on this later to clarify). Certainly, woman are supportive and loving during these times. However, this is not a comfortable moment them either. Women can not fill the void a man is feeling at this time. Stick with the plan. Seek God and seek out men.

These times are a part of life. Men are guaranteed to have moments when you feel less than who you are or were created to be. Know that these are normal and that nothing has ceased you, but what is common to man. Find a safe place, get the encouragement you need, and go out and conquer the territory God has called you to.

The State of "Affairs"

The recent passing of Steve McNair has brought to light all types of issues in American life. The issues of marriage and infidelity, age and relationships, athletes and the dangers of their lifestyle, among many other things. The discussion of the tension that must be felt within the families of both McNair and Kazemi. Death by suicide brings about shame within families. When you add the circumstances of adultery into the picture, I can only imagine how much more.

Gov. Mark Sanford brought tremendous shame to his wife, family, state, office, and political party. His wife has been relatively outspoken concerning the pain he has caused her and his children. The effects of an affair are so far reaching I don't know if people realize what they are doing. I understand that some are taken by passion, some by a lack of character, and some by pure planning and choice.

Whatever the case, marital affairs have become an epidemic. Some statistics report that 50% of women and 70% of men admit to having an affair. That is outrageous. Some marriages survive such assaults. Most don't. I often think to myself that this was never meant to be. Christ said in Matthew 19:4-6:

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

He clearly states that the "two" shall become "one." This is a wise plan. There is little damage when it is a one man-one woman relationship.

Steve McNair's affair proved to be far more costly than he could have ever imagined. Typical of sinful behavior. We can rarely see the full impact that sinful behavior will have on us or those around us. When Adam sinned I'm certain he didn't know what was to come. How could he? What was death to him? We are not in the same boat. There are countless accounts of the impact of adultery. I would argue that most don't think they are going to be caught. However, history is replete with people being caught as well.

Unfaithful men and women are destroying themselves, their families, and the future of our nation. The divorce rate and the impact on children is clearly having its effects on us. We are not stronger for it, we are much worse off. Every part of a family must be protected in order to have a strong society. Strong families begin with strong marriages.

It is my plea that if you find yourself in such a situation or are considering make such a decision that you reconsider. Think of your family (nuclear and extended). Think of your community. If you are a Christian, think of your God and how you are breaking His heart. I know that the temptation is strong and the flesh is weak, but you are not alone. There are resources available to help you like counseling, friends, family, hot lines, and churches. Get some help, save your marriage...save your children the pain. Let us get back to the original intention of marriage-God's love and intimacy expressed between two people.

Who's loving you?

Lot's of people on the dating seen will tell you the type of person they are looking for. I think it is a good move to have standards, aspirations, and expectations in mind as you search for that special someone. However, I keep seeing the same mistake over and over again. People are looking for someone much different than the person they are.

Male friends of mine have often set incredibly high standards on physical appearance when it comes to the women they are seeking out. If that is your thing that's fine. However, these brotha's didn't have the same physical counterpart to offer. They were out of shape, flabby, no style. Women often do the same thing. They look for men that are in a different financial class, have prestige, or are in the right circle. These issues in and of themselves are not problems. Many people have found the one they love in a social setting they never expected. It happens.

In spite of it happening, I am of the belief that like people will meet like people. Said another way, "Birds of a feather flock together." Yet another way to state it (Amos 3:3), "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" If you happen to be single and disappointed in who has approached you or who you are dating you should take a look in the mirror. Ask yourself, Who am I that I am attracting these types of people?" "What signals am I sending out that I am picked up on this persons radar?"

If you are saved and you want a saved mate (which you should) don't go looking for your mate at the club. It is likely they are not their. If you want to marry someone that is in shape, don't go to the donut shop. Try the gym. That's where people that care about their bodies typically go. College grads tend to marry college grads, athletes-athletes, and so on. Be who you want to have in a relationship. Be a person of character, be a person of compassion, be adventurous, be faithful. Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world (mate-my own personal insert)."

This is by no means a law or the absolute truth, but a principal for success. Improve your chances of finding lasting love by finding people that are of the same ilk as you. More than anything character is the most important like factor to find. If you can agree on moral norms, values, and faith you are off to a great start. Remember to ask yourself, "Who's loving you?"

You Can't Handle the Truth!!!

I have been living in denial for a very long time. Like most people I tend to believe that I am “normal.” Since I’m “normal” I think that most folks think the way I do and live relatively similar to me. Well this simply is not the case. First, my friends and family say that I’m not “normal” using words like “eccentric” and “off” to describe me. Secondly, people don’t live quite the way I do.

I lay no claim to elite status or special knowledge. What I do lay claim to is telling the truth. Lying has become so common that I am never certain who I can believe. I have seen my boss lie, friends lie, family lie, politicians lie, athletes, actors, and even CHRISTIANS lie!!! It is frustrating. I have seen people lose their jobs, relationships, influence, respect, and integrity because they can’t keep the facts straight and tell the truth.

People lie about every and anything. I once watched someone claim to be the rapper NAS to some unsuspecting woman. It was a sad sight because this woman took it hook, line, and sinker. I have witnessed people lie to the point that they don’t know what the truth actually is. That is a sad state of affairs. Our culture has invested in the philosophy of, “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.”

I hope people wake up to the incredible harm they do to both themselves and to others when they lie. One of the points I drive home when I am conducting a group of any kind is that transformation must start with the truth. Until you are honest with yourself about who and what you are, you will never make progress in becoming the person you want to be.

Let us stop hiding behind facades and trickery. As the scriptures say let your yes be yes and your no be no. Telling the truth takes a great deal of pressure off of us as individuals. We don’t have to remember who we told what. We don’t have to worry about what people know. We don’t have to worry about the repercussions of our lie coming back to us. Remember Jesus said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Maybe we are like Col. Jessep said, “You can’t handle the Truth!”

How Long...

My wife is likely the most intelligent woman I know. She has Jamesology down to a science. Although I don’t care to admit it at the time, she is often correct when it comes to my issues. My wife says that I obsess over things. I zero in, study it, internalize it, and meditate on it, and so on. She also says that every strength has a weakness. I have found both of these statements to be true.

My obsession with organizations, hobbies, work, school, and faith have had their benefit. They have also had their faults. When I was a baseball player in high school I played for three different teams. I would literally go from a game, to practice, to another practice. I attended multiple camps during the summer and winter. I even quit wrestling (a sport I had skill in) because I wanted to dedicate all of my time to baseball. Despite my best efforts, I was never able to sustain a starting position on my high school team.

Finally, fed up with the futility and failure I quit my high school team. At the same time my neighborhood league team had been disbanded due to a lack of players. To top it off MLB players went on strike. I was furious with the end of my baseball dreams. As a result, I came to hate baseball. I didn’t play, didn’t watch, and didn’t try out-nothing. I had buried my love.

The same thing has happened to my faith. I spent nearly ten years in a church. While I was there I served in maintenance, Sunday school, as a minister, altar worker, mentor, and practically anything else I could get my hands into. I attended every class I could, every conference, and speaking engagement the leaders of the church had. Yet, once again I could not break into the starting “line-up.” I pleaded with the leadership to allow me an opportunity to serve in the way I felt God had gifted me. No matter what, the gate keepers would not let me in.

In response I left the church. Mad at the leadership and to be honest, mad at God. I have visited churches since that time and was not satisfied. I struggled to read the Word. They appeared as just words on a page. No power, no conviction, no inspiration. I would try to pray and my words felt empty. Often I couldn’t even complete a sentence before I was distracted. My faith was stale. It had lost its taste. Its texture had changed. I began to examine where I was and who I was in Christ. Was I following God or man? Was my faith real or simply an outgrowth of my social interactions? Had I been hearing from God or just hearing from the pastor and what he thought was important?

I feared that I would forever be lost to my pain and unforgiveness. This seemed like it would go on forever. I was bitter and couldn’t let go of what I perceived to be a wrong against me. I viewed the church (universal) and its spokesman with suspicion. I didn’t know where to go. It is hard for believers that haven’t felt the pain of rejection within the church to relate to those that have. I don’t fault them. I would have been the same if not for my experience.

One day while I was listening to sports radio God spoke. The hosts of the show were commenting on the rapper, Eminem. They talked about how angry he was. They said they understood if he had a rough life, but how long could he stay mad? That question echoed in my heart and soul over and over. HOW LONG CAN YOU STAY MAD? It was simple and yet profound. At that point I began to repent in a meaningful and heartfelt way.

It felt like the weight had been lifted. To be forthcoming, I was not completely healed or anything like that. However, the healing process was in full swing. I began to see how God had equipped me with skills and training through my time at the church. I looked at the support I did receive. I started to see the good that was taking place and how I had benefited from it. I started reading the Bible again and the Word seems to have come back to life. My prayers were once again full of passion. Freedom from unforgiveness was flowing in my heart. My love for God, His Word, and His people has been revitalized. I am thankful.

If you find yourself in a similar situation with the people in your life I urge you to ask yourself, “How long can I stay mad?” Ask God to help you to forgive. Ask God to forgive you. Then do all you can to bring about reconciliation in that relationship if possible and healthy. Don’t be enslaved to bitterness. Enjoy life and the people God has put before you. Be free, love again.