Feeling less than a man...

Men have long been said to be ego driven. This has proven to be true in most men. Men are driven to achieve, to obtain, to win. Accomplishment is the fuel of a man's heart. As such, men tend to find their identity in what they do. Who they are is what they do (typically on the job). You usually find men ego inflated after a great accomplishment. Men love to say, "look what I just did."

If you're a man or know anything about men, you know that the life of a man is not always a mountaintop experience. There are many bumps, bruises, setbacks, loss, and down right devastation in the life of a man. The ego is soft and fragile. It can be penetrated at any given moment. Men are fixers by nature. If we are confronted with a problem we can't fix or seems too big we may begin to feel inferior, weak, ...less than a man. I know this typically happens when my wife is "feeling" something I can't repair. It can also happen when men don't fulfill their career aspirations or financial goals.

My favorite writer John Eldredge says that all men want to know, "Do I have what it takes?" In addition he states that failure is man's greatest fear. It is when we are down that this question rings the loudest and our fear of failure seems so inevitable. These moments come with intense pressure and weight. Men will withdraw during these times. We don't feel strong. In fact we feel vulnerable. We wonder if people can see our weaknesses and look to exploit it.

There are many Biblical accounts of men that lost their strength... their confidence. Moses didn't think he had what it took to speak to Pharaoh. The mighty men were ready to kill David when they returned from the field only to find that their families had been taken captive. The Bible says that David had to encourage himself in the Lord after weeping to the point of exhaustion. Elijah ran for fear of losing his life after defeating the prophets of Baal. Even our Lord, Jesus Christ, felt pressure when he prayed that God would allow this cup (the cross/death) to pass. As men we can't escape this feeling.

So what is a man to do? Well, I think we should follow the example of Christ, David, and Elijah. First, we should seek out God the Father. Look for an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Ask for his help, encouragement, insight, and direction. Second, find a safe group of men that you can confide in. Men know how men feel. Men know what you are going through. You can find strength in the company of brothers.

One last note. Whatever you do. Do not take your wounded heart and soul to your wife or girlfriend. Don't misunderstand, you can talk to your spouse about your situation and even your feelings. But do not let this be your only, first, or final stop. Women are bothered by a man that has lost his strength, his confidence (I will have to write more on this later to clarify). Certainly, woman are supportive and loving during these times. However, this is not a comfortable moment them either. Women can not fill the void a man is feeling at this time. Stick with the plan. Seek God and seek out men.

These times are a part of life. Men are guaranteed to have moments when you feel less than who you are or were created to be. Know that these are normal and that nothing has ceased you, but what is common to man. Find a safe place, get the encouragement you need, and go out and conquer the territory God has called you to.